Work is also going very well, the early mornings are getting easier to handle, though I return exhausted and therefore my midweek social life tends to revolve around my sofa and increasing selection of pirate DVD's. Watched Star Wars just a few days after its cinema release in the comfort of my living room - fab!

Much of my job involves supervising practice, developing training and support, expanding our work to involve children and victims of trafficking and - well, essentially anything else that needs doing. I recently attended a meeting with influential (ie. rich) donors who are wanting to develop work with men. Initially and understandably perhaps, they were wanting to focus on working with perpetrators of domestic violence. That is very important work here, but I think I gave them something to think about suggesting that perhaps they need to consider working with men in relation to all violence (both as victims too), fatherhood, alcohol and drug misuse, sexual abuse and masculinity in general. I think just to focus on one part of mens identities, ignoring others would be an opportunity missed. We'll see what happens...

 

 

I am learning so much at the moment in relation to my work but also the context and culture in which I am living. It can at times be a delicate issue to navigate but as I learn more about the role, expectaions and treatment of women here, I become more aghast.

 

Where do I start?

 

Much of what women here have to endure - and I will not mince my words - is bound up in patriarchal dominance, history, so called culture, abuse of power and double standards. A well known Khmer proverb describes gender thus: "Men are gold, women are cloth". 

It is believed therefore, that gold can be cleaned and always retains its value. Cloth, of lesser value to begin with, once muddied cannot be cleaned and will lose entirely what value it had in the first place. Therefore women can never overstep the margins of so called 'virtuous' behavior, whilst men who overstep the boundaries are far less harshly judged.

 

There are so called rules for men and women taught by the family and reinforced at schools. For women these rules are enshrined in what is called the "Chbab Srei". As an example of what young girls and women are taught, I chose just a few of these rules to share.

 

You must play childishly and when you see a man try to be near him.

Laugh without thinking and this kind of thing pleases the man.

A woman who is not afraid of the women's rules is a bad woman.

Taking a seat in the wrong place is not suitable for women.

Try to do work like weaving or knitting.

Don't go for a walk at other people's houses.

When you are worried, you have no initiative and your ideas are small.

Don't keep things complicated otherwise you will lose it.

You are beautiful but you have no idea.

The other kind of women (ie. bad) walk loudly.

 

Truly amazing...

 

I am not suggesting that all of these rules are enforced strictly these days but they do have a huge influence on contemporary society, expectations and behavior. Its a tough place for women to grow up and tougher to be considered as anything approaching equal. Its not hard to understand why in some respects - when women in the US and Europe were forming groups and fighting for their rights in the 1960's and 70's across many spheres - the people of Cambodia were fighting for their lives. I often wonder what the effect of further globalisation will be here, with regard to peoples awareness of rights and knowlege that there can be other ways to exist.

It may be slow progress - and in some respects the world still looks the other way from so many abuses of power, particularly where women and the poor are concerned - but the times they are a'changin'. As someone once said...

 

 

Another bizarre practice that appears to be a 'rite of passage' for many young men is what is called 'bauk'. This essentailly entails a young man taking a prostitute to a hotel, where unknown to her, several - perhaps as many as 12 of his friends are waiting. What occurs next is fairly predictable maybe, but the men often attempt to prove their manhood by having really rough sex and beating the poor woman at the same time, particularly if she protests. What is even more amazing is that everyone seems to acknowledge that it happens with a  shrug of the shoulders. Research carried out with young men here seems to suggest that they all know its wrong, but they cite two main reasons for doing it. The first being that they have to appear tough in front of their mates, thus rendering them unable to protest and secondly...sex workers are different - its ok to treat them like that. Utterly amazing...

 

Domestic violence (much of it involving sexual violence) is a big problem and to make matters worse, a recent survey on the attitudes of women suggested that 29.5% of women thought that beating was justifiable for neglecting children, 27% thought it was justified for going out without telling the husband and 19.5% for arguing with their husband. All in all, 40% of Cambodian women thought that there was some justification for a husband to beat his wife.

Legislation relating to domestic violence is presently dawdling through the Council Of Ministers but is constantly being stalled as some of the ministers (99% male) are concerned that the Law may be an attack on Khmer culture.

Truly amazing...

 

I am not even attempting to suggest that we in the west have got it right, there are still huge flaws in our system and culture (we are not that different perhaps), but just telling it like it is. Thank god for the feminist movement and all the change and influence they have brought to bear in our own lives. Without them we wouldn't have rape crisis centres and without them, the sexual abuse of children would still not be challenged as it was in our countries in the late 70's and 80's. So muh of what we all take for granted now, is down to then and their supporters and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

 

 

Research suggests that a million women and a million children are involved in prostitution in Asia as a result of trafficking. In my time here I have as a man, met other men boastful of their $5 or $10 conquests, moto drivers asking me if I want a boy or girl for what they call "boom boom" and had to listen to other ex pats act as apologists for this vile trade in human flesh. Trafficking is nothing other than 21st century slavery that perpertrates misery upon its victims and makes millions of dollars for those controlling it.

 

A typical scenario of a young woman or girl being dragged into prostitution in Cambodia goes something like this;

 

A young woman's family in the countryside, may be approached with the offer of work and education and perhaps the hope that she may be able to send money to her poor family. Parents are often paid a small fee, which essentailly becomes the first layer of debt. Many other women and girls are often kidnapped or alarmingly sold by relatives and boyfriends to traffickers. Once captive, she will be sold to the first customer for perhaps $500 and kept locked up for a week being repeatedly raped. Once they have lost their virginity their commercial value drops and they are sold on to another brothel owner, where they are forced to perform further acts for as little as $2 a time. The brothel owner will keep the vast majority of the money. These women and girls are beaten, abused and often drugged until they are efefctively seen as worthless. There will always be another young girl to take their place. Once their virginity is lost and they are seen as damaged goods, there can be little hope. Bound and trapped in a nightmare of betrayal, shame, self blame, trauma, fear, grief and depression, many spiral into a world of drug misuse. Its estimated that between 30% and 50% of women escaping prostitution in Cambodia have AIDS.

 

And then sometimes I hear some westerners acting as apologists for this - even suggesting that as the "oldest profession'', this is somehow justified and they should be grateful for earning a good wage. They clearly either have no idea or perhaps don't even care?

 

Thankfully, there are organisations here doing important and inspiring work to rescue and support such women, but its a struggle. Corruption involving powerful people here makes the task a frustrating and difficult one. One such organisation here, established for 10 years, works with women in many areas, not just those trafficked. Its called HAGAR, so maybe check out their website at www.hagarproject.org to find out more.

 

One of my friends who recently visited Cambodia is also setting up a charity to help support organisations here, including one working with trafficked women, children & families affected by AIDS and the organisation that I am working for. Further details available soon, but for those who can't wait - drop me a line - there are plenty of ways to help in the early stages of any organisation.

Many women in Cambodia in garment factories, producing for the likes of GAP, M&S and others. It is work with poor conditions, low pay and an uncertain future. The average wage for these women for working a six day week from 7.30 AM until 5.30 PM is just $45. Next time you are in GAP or other numerous high street shops, about to buy a top or perhaps a shirt for about the same amount, just think about that.

I am not suggesting for one minute not to buy - a collapse in the job market here would have disasterous conesequences for thousands of families - but maybe spare a thought. For anybody interested in finding out more about campaigns and otehr news related to this and other issues take a look at the No Sweat website at the following address: http://www.nosweat.org.uk

Its full of interesting information - to find out mare about Cambodia on their site, use the search engine on the site.

 

Last weekend I took the chance to get out of the hectic city and travelled south west to a sleepy and peaceful place called Kep.

Prior to the civila war in the 1960's this was the place where the pampered French colonialists built fine villas, many in art deco style from which to contemplate life with their next glass of champagne.

 

Neglected for years, this is a wonderful and peaceful oasis by the sea, where life is...oh so slow...and sleepy. Highlights of this area include delicious seafood, the eerie Bokor National Park with its deserted hotels, casino and bright red lichen and the wonderful array of fora and fauna. Those of you planning a visit in the next twelve months or so are in for a treat. There are plenty of deserted and scarcely populated islands to explore and at the end of the day, beautiful sunsets to admire with your cold beer. Some images of Kep below.

 

I had the absoloute pleasure this week of visiting a very special place near to where I work in Kampong Speu. Partly because we are looking to develop our work within the team, but also because my afore mentioned friend was here to check out suitable projects for funding, I stumbled across an amazing place. It is a village where some Americans and Cambodians, supported by Danish volunteers have set up a project for families affected by AIDS, to live with care, respect, love and hope. When parents die, the children are then cared for in the projects orphanage. When we visited, the place felt so so full of love and optimism, depite the fact that the parents and some of the children also have AIDS and several parents died in the last few weeks. But the project is also quite unique and creative in that it has developed its own fuel system (methane from pigs) and involves many of the local villagers in its work, exchanging services for labour. They also train villagers to develop sustainable agriculture, helping them increase their income. An amazing oasis of creativity, mutual support and hope, in the middle of nowhere. They have big plans to develop, dig wells, landscape the gardens & start an orchid farm, which I am going to help with - and much much more! This is one of the projects that my colleague from the UK will be directing funds to to support their work. Anybody interested in finding out more about the village and other work of the organisation can click on projectcambodia.com 

 

I am told that the web site has not been updated for two years, so it may not even feature any news of the villagfe, which is a very new project. More news of this amazing place to come soon.

 

Anyone wanting to know how they can support me or my friend in the UK with our little contribution, drop me a line. But for now, some pictures of the village for families affected by AIDS.